Mommy "Me" Time: The Perks of Being Me

I'm finding it difficult to keep a level head these days. I almost feel like I'm suffering from bipolar disorder. One moment I am so incredibly happy, I could dance around my kitchen singing at the top of my lungs. And then there are moments, like the other day, when I almost burst into tears in the middle of work from all of the stresses and terrible things going on around me. I could easily slip into some kind of crazy person depression. Lord knows that both Nicholas and I have enough going on to justifiably crawl into bed and not leave for three weeks. What keeps me motivated? What keeps me out of bed and constantly moving forward? My family. My sweet 5 month old boy, my amazingly supportive and understanding husband, my sister who, with two little ones of her own, can 110% relate to me with so many things, and everyone else who supports us and encourages us to keep on keepin' on.
For those of you who don't know, one of my father-in-law's was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor a year and a half ago. He had a major brain surgery last June to remove as much of the tumor as possible and underwent chemo and radiation thereafter. In January, his MRI showed what looked like a recurrence. It was finally confirmed about a month ago that the tumor was back, plus two more areas of concern. Because it came back in more than one place and because of the locations, the surgeons do not want to operate. This has, understandably, been extremely difficult for the entire family. We all love him so much and it is beyond difficult to witness this happen to such a wonderful man. Sometimes, I feel pressure to stay strong for my husband. Like I need to hide my sadness from him. I just don't want him to have to comfort me, I need to be the one doing the comforting. But then I realize that I have every right to be sad and come to terms with those feelings, so Nicholas and I end up comforting each other. It's not about one person being the rock and the other being the mess. We're both the mess and the rock. Sometimes all it takes is to just hold one another on the couch until the moment passes. I know that this sounds mega depressing, but it's not like this happens every day. It's just those moments that come with having something like this in your family. I'm not going to try and hide from it and act like everything is OK 100% of the time, because it's not. This is about raw honesty, not about putting on a show.
Changing the subject - we've had a very crazy week at work. There is a huge project that my boss wants to get done ASAP meaning that we're working until 7pm on Friday and a full 8 hours on Saturday every weekend until the project is finished. Well, guess what, after everyone put in their time this weekend, it's still not even close to being finished.
Pre-baby, this wasn't an issue. A mild inconvenience, but overall, not the end of the world. Now, it's scrambling to find a babysitter and forcing myself to be OK with coming home in time to kiss my son goodnight during the week and being apart from him almost all day over our weekends. Let me just tell you, that sucks. But the money will be oh so good. We're getting overtime for all of these hours worked, so that's not bad at all. Dolla Dolla bills ya'll!

But you know what, I was reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower earlier today and I realized that my life is pretty good. The dollar sign in my bank account doesn't define my life. Yes, it limits me to an extent, but overall, I'm a lucky and happy person. Life is difficult and we cannot control everything around us. We just have top learn how to batten down the hatches and make due with the cards that we're dealt. It's OK to be sad when things get rough, but I'm thankful for every morning that I wake up as a wife, mother, daughter, and friend. My husband kisses me goodnight every night, even if I'm not fully awake, I can feel and I know without a doubt that he loves me. My son is beautiful and healthy. What more can a girl as for?