Mommy "Me" Time: Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is extremely difficult. When I was pregnant, I decided that I would do my best and breastfeed for as long as I could. We took a class on it at the hospital before Lucas was born to try to mentally prepare myself as best as I could. Nothing can really truly prepare you for it. Just like nothing can really prepare you for the feelings of seeing and holding your baby for the first time or the level of difficultly that comes with being a new parent. But I went into it knowing that it was going to be hard, telling myself that I will do my very best.

Here I am 7 weeks later and still going strong. I think that I had so much success because I had a good foundation to build off of. Lucas came out ready to eat! He had no troubles latching on at all! the nurse at the hospital gave me a nipple shield to help draw it up into his mouth easier. He went to town! That was one of my biggest fears. In the class that we took, other moms that had tried it before said that they failed because their LO (little one) didn't latch on properly and they were too exhausted from giving birth to try too terribly hard to get it right. Thank goodness I didn't have that problem, or else I think that I would've ended up like that as well. So thanks Lucas!

The other really big thing that has helped me is support. This is so frustrating and terrible sometimes that you NEED a good support person (or people) to go to in those tough times. I had multiple outlets for support: my best friend's sister, Sarah (she gave her baby girl breast milk through the first year), the breast feeding support group on babycenter.com, the May 2013 board (group of women who had babies in May 2013) on babycenter.com, and the Pumping Moms board on babycenter.com. A very useful website about breastfeeding that helped answer a lot of my questions was kellymom.com. It is FILLED with info on breastfeeding: how many ounces do babies eat, how long do they feed for, what foods/drinks to avoid while breastfeeding, etc. This is where I learned the rule of thumb of drinking while breastfeeding: if you're sober enough to drive, then you're sober enough to nurse. I like that! One drink and I'm good! And if I do have a little too much, I pump and dump! Not to sound like an alcoholic, but if I couldn't drink, then I don't know if I would still be doing this. Not because I drink a lot, but because I've had 10 months of not being able to do many, many things. I don't want to commit myself to another 12 months of limiting things and not doing certain things. I need some freedom, as much freedom as breastfeeding will allow!

Which leads me to the first few weeks of breastfeeding. You have no freedom at all. You cannot go anywhere unless you're comfortable bfing in public, which I'm not. You're life revolves around your boobies and it is maddening. Your husband cannot feed the baby, your family or visitors cannot feed the baby, it's all on your shoulders (or should I say "chest"). Anytime that you have people over, you can bet that you will need to nurse at least once before they leave. For me, I felt awkward nursing in front of people. This lead to me feeling badly leaving the room to nurse Lucas when I know that people came to visit to see him. I got over it a little bit and didn't feel so weird around my mom, sister, MIL, and a few close friends. But it took me a while and even then, I tried to be as covered up as possible. I've always been weird about my body, I don't know why. Even in high school, I didn't like changing in front of my friends (still don't).

Anywho, there were countless late night feedings where I decided that it would be the last time that I nursed him. Multiple nights when I told Nicholas to give Lucas a formula bottle because I just needed a minute of peace and time to myself. I cried, texted Sarah (friend's sister) asking her when does this get easier???? Posted the same question to get the opinion of other mommies who have been through this on the Breast Feeding Support board. Everyone said that it gets better after the 6th week. They were right.

My mom fronted us the money for a breast pump so that I wasn't the only person who can feed our son. Nicholas and I came up with a good system that give me more freedom but also allows my to not have to nurse in public: when we know that we're going to go somewhere and be gone fora while, we bring a formula bottle with us to give to him when he gets hungry. A little bit of supplementation with formula is perfectly fine. It gave him a little constipation after a while, but I got approval from the pediatrician to give him 1oz of white grape juice and VUA-LA! Three hours later he had a massive blowout. Pediatrician also told me that it's perfectly normal for a breastfed baby to go up to one week without pooping and that as long as he is still having just as many wet diapers, there is no cause for concern. Interesting!

But I just feel like the pump saved my sanity. I love the pump. I only nurse him for his middle of the night feeding now and that's really only because I don't feel like pumping at 4am and also because I don't have a big enough stash built up to give him a bag of pumped milk at night without replacing it with a new pumped bag.

So for now, that's how this is going. It has not been easy and sometimes I even resent pumping (it's not exactly fun). But it's not nearly as bad as it was. So if you're thinking of doing it, don't let me scare you off, but be realistic and call/text/fb message me if you need some help or support!